Caregiving: Having “the talk” With Your Aging Parent

Aug 2

I knew that at some point in my mom’s aging journey, I may have to speak with her about moving into an assisted living facility (ALF). Secretly, I was hoping that I would never have to have this discussion; but the time is here.

Mom had a setback in early June. This episode put her in the hospital for a week. Then she spent two weeks in an intense rehabilitation program and about eight weeks in a skilled nursing facility. She will be discharged from skilled nursing in about 14 days.

The good news is that mom has rebounded. While mostly physical, she has gained back her strength. She can perform the daily activities of living (eating, toileting, bathing, dressing herself). She was unable to do this a few months ago. While he has gained physical strength, she continues to be at risk of falling (does not pay attention, likes to walk without her walker and fast using her walker).

Mentally, she is forgetful and cannot remember things like what she had for dinner yesterday, names of the nurses, the date and day). Mom seems overwhelmed by simple tasks that require sequencing, such as doing laundry.

My siblings and I want mom to live as independently as possible and safely. For us, it is about allowing her to live her best quality life. Mom’s struggle with memory combined with her risk of falling means she needs to live in a place where there is 24/7 assistance should she need it.

It is time for us to have “the talk” with mom about her new reality and living situation. She will not be coming back to live at my house. My siblings and I are tackling this conversation this week.

I researched how to have the conversation and found some interesting articles and advice (see below). Of course, it will not make it much easier, as this is an emotional topic. I am concerned about how she will react. Will she think we do not want her or that we are tired of her? Will it make her feel like she is a burden? How will she feel?

Look for how it goes in my next post.

Questions for you: