Short Circuit - Moving an Aging Parent

My husband and I moved several times throughout our marriage. Each time, it was pretty much a disaster. Our recent move to Tennessee was no exception. The movers were three hours late and were slow workers, so we ended up leaving late and driving through the night. This is not an ideal situation, not to mention a terrible experience for a woman in her 80’s. We arrived at 1am. It was dark, it was rainy, and we were all exhausted. Our furniture had not yet arrived, but we had set up blow up mattresses and brought linens so we could get through the first night. It was all going to be fine, right? Not really.

Mom had a big setback. We gave mom the first-floor master so she would not have to climb stairs. She spent the next seven days and nights wandering around the house. She came upstairs two to three times a day looking for her bedroom (she had a first-floor bedroom in our previous home). She attempted to walk down to the basement to find her medicine (which was in her room) and also claimed she was looking for my daughter who was away at college. Mom was very confused, understandably so.

One morning, she told me she could not handle things and did not want to participate in anything. That included organizing her room and unpacking her belongings. I made readying her room my priority. I promptly unpacked her clothes and put them in the dresser drawers and hung them in the closet. I ordered her a new mattress and rugs for the bathroom. I attempted to make everything comfortable and easy for her.

Every night, we locked the door to the basement so she would not fall on the stairs, and I laid awake waiting for her to come into my bedroom to ask me where her room was and hoping that I did not hear the front door open to find her wandering around outside. It was quite stressful for all of us.

After a week and we began to establish a routine, she slowly came out of her confusion. She did continue to come upstairs and into my room. The week after that was better and she kept coming into my room. And the week after that too. I finally asked her to please stop coming upstairs because I was fearful she would fall and that I did not like it when she walked into my room. Her response, “Why? Do you think I will walk in and you and Bill when you are being intimate?” Ew!

We are about two months living in our new home and Mom seems to have adjusted to her surroundings. For a while I put signs on the doors identifying each room and told her it was for the movers to know where to put the boxes. She knows where her room is (although she continues to refer to going upstairs to her room even though she has not had a room on the second floor for over two years). She no longer wanders upstairs looking for things or downstairs to the basement looking for her medicine.

Change is hard, especially as we age. For Mom, change has never been something she liked nor was it easy for her. When we are older, routine is comfortable and important. Any break from the routine can be devastating. Structure is important to Mom and I learned the hard way that breaking away from that set her back.

Questions for you:

What big change has been difficult an older person you know or care for?

How did you make them feel comfortable?

Helpful Resources: (I wish I had done more research)

Senior Moving Checklist: How to Make Moving Elderly Parents Easier | National Church Residences

Checklist For Moving Elderly Parents: Tips For A Senior Move (seniorsafetyadvice.com)

6 Survival Tips for Moving Your Elderly Loved One (aplaceformom.com)