Change is not for me.
People say that “change is good.” Personally, I have found that change can be scary and sometimes challenging. Overall, most change seems to be good. Life. is change; nothing stays the same.
This is why I find it difficult to process why Mom has ZERO interest in changing anything that will enhance her life, even if it means gaining independence, making life more convenient for herself and others, or learning something new. She absolutely refuses. She has experienced change throughout her life. As a family, we moved multiple times for my Dad’s job. She experienced getting married and having children and the loss of her parents and husband. I do not get it and it is frustrating for me.
I admit, I am not always an early adopter, especially when it comes to technology. It takes me a while but when I figure things out, I love it (and wonder why I did not adopt it sooner). Mom just does not adopt or adapt to anything.
Let us take online banking, for example. Mom insists on writing checks to pay bills and send gifts. Printing out bank statements is the only way to make sure her deposits were made. (Fortunately, I enrolled her in online banking, so it is at least convenient for me to manage her affairs.)
Also, she refuses to learn how to use a computer. When she wants information she says, "Janice, can you look this up on your machine and let me know what you find out?” Her favorite topic to learn more about, by the way, is “incontinence.” More on that later.
When she first came to live with me, we had to change personal information for her accounts. She had no online accounts established. For one company, they needed to send her a PIN which she had set up to send by mail (who does that anymore?). Unfortunately, it was going to be sent to the old address so that did not work. In the end, I figured it out, but it was quite the ordeal.
Mom gave up her cell phone. She did have a cell phone but kept it turned off and in a drawer in her bedroom. Now, when her children, grandchildren, or brother or sister have pictures or videos to share, they must send it to my phone, and I am responsible for showing it to her. This task is one of the MOST frustrating tasks. Why might you ask?
1. When people tell her they sent her something to my phone, she continuously asks if they sent the pictures, especially if I do not show it to her immediately.
2. Swiping is not something that comes to her easily. I have showed her the technique several times and advised her to use soft taps, yet it is something that takes her a long time to accomplish.
3. Mom insists on staring for what seems like hours at one photo – so long that the screen goes to sleep.
Hearing is another challenge Mom faces. She refuses to go for an evaluation or get a hearing aid. “Those things do not work,” she says. Ok, but has she thought about how It impacts rest of the family. And perhaps technology has helped improve these devices. I tell her, if you do not try, you will never know and you will continue to miss out on life.
This leads me to closed captions. While this is great for those unable to hear, for the rest of us, the writing sometimes appears over images, inhibiting the visuals and can be distracting. Both my husband and I have showed her how to turn closed caption on, including writing each step down. Yet, Mom is unable to even follow simple, written directions.
There is no convincing or educating at this point. We have accepted the situation and try to be proactive and change the things we control to make things more convenient for us. I try to learn from it and my plan is to stay as current as I can for as long as I can. In the meantime, if Mom is happy writing and mailing checks, so be it!
Questions for you:
How have you been able to teach an older person in your life how to use technology?
Have you been able to convince an older person with a hearing problem to get a test and/or an