Driving Miss Daisy - Taking Away the Keys

It may be necessary to have the conversation with your elderly parent about the need to stop driving. I did not have this discussion with my mom because when she moved in, she announced immediately, “I’m not driving anymore,” and handed me the keys to her car.

One might consider the fact that I am lucky because more times than not, this is an awkward, uncomfortable conversation and elderly parents do not take it well. From that perspective, I do consider myself lucky. I did not have to confront my mom about this topic.

But Mom not driving any means one thing: I am.

I expected the weekly trip to the local Publix or an occasional visit to the doctor’s office, whether mom was driving or not. What I did not anticipate, was becoming Hoke (character from Driving Miss Daisy). I was unaware of what she would need ALL THE TIME. There is a constant string of trips to the store (and going back to return the items because they are wrong or do not work). She needs makeup, moisturizers, unmentionables, shoes (more about shopping for shoes), and I need to pick up prescriptions. Beware: these are not quick shopping trips – the let me run in and run out kind? I learned that I must plan for at least an hour (if not more) of in-store time (plus driving there and back). Usually, I have to go back to return something, if not everything.

How did I manage it? At first, I was crazy angry and frustrated because I had to figure out how best to manage the continuous request for errands. Sometimes, we would make a day of shopping. She gets tired frequently, so we would shop for just one item (that means it took a long time to get everything on her list).

The solution. We make a detailed list of items that I purchase on her behalf. I take pictures of the items so I know EXACTLY what to buy. This helps me to move quickly. The second thing I did was to put most things online – groceries, prescriptions, and banking.

Questions for you:

  • How do you manage doing errands?

  • What option(s) did you find worked best for your lifestyle?

Helpful Resources:

Taking the Keys Away: What to Do If a Senior Won't Stop Driving - AgingCare.com

Elderly Drivers: When to Take the Car Keys | A Place for Mom

The Car Keys - When is it Time to Take the Keys Away from Elderly Drivers? | LTC News

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