Caregivers: Do You Know Where Your Parents Most Important Documents Are?
Most of us know it is critical to keep all your paperwork current. Renew your passport and driver’s license, keep an original copy of your birth certificate, make a will – the list is endless.
When my mother handed me her life, she neglected to tell me that she let her driver’s license and passport expire. As she said, “I’m never going to use or need them again.” WRONG.
There was a time when my siblings suggested I take a break from caregiving, and offered to have Mom live with them, on a temporary or permanent basis. “Great idea,” I thought. How fortunate that I have two siblings willing to help me out. They were going to fly out and fly back with her.
When getting ready to make travel plans is when I discovered the helter-skelter of her paperwork. She had an expired driver’s license, could not locate her birth certificate, or find her passport. She no longer had a mortgage, owned a car or house, and could not prove she was a state resident. The only piece of valid identification was her social security card. I would start with there.
Luckily, I found her birth certificate and documents that proved she was a resident. Even though the names did not match, I made a trip to the DMV anyway. Surely, someone would understand the situation and be helpful. Not so much. They were unable to validate her marriage without a license (she handed me what the church gave her, I handed it to them, and they basically laughed at me). She did not understand why they did not want to be more helpful or give her a pass because she was “born in 1935.”
As I came to discover, the name she was given at birth was not the name she used in her adult life. Apparently, the doctor spelled her first name incorrectly (her parents never had it changed) and she did not like her middle name so used her confirmation name. When she married my father, she took his name, but I could not prove that because she did not have a copy of her marriage license. I could not send for a copy of her marriage license because her birth certificate did not match the name on her social security card. Without a passport, she could not prove where she was born. Bottom line, she could not prove she was her. I kept going in circles, needing paperwork I did not have to get the paperwork I needed. I had to stop working on this, as it was driving me crazy.
I did find her passport (and it has only been expired a few years) and have the necessary paperwork I need to renew it so she has ID.
I cannot stress the importance of making sure your loved ones have their paperwork in order and making sure to have a conversation with them about it. I think my mom felt this part of her life was over and did not bother to keep things in order. She is set in her ways and did not anticipate that the world changes, with or without her.
Questions for you:
How do you organize your important documents?
Do you know what the most important legal documents for seniors are?
Helpful Resources:
The 5 Most Important Legal Documents for Every Senior (ambercourtal.com)
The 6 Legal Documents Seniors Need to Have (familymattershc.com)