Moving In - I’m a Caregiver Now
I was looking forward to Mom coming to live with us. People told me that I was going to create wonderful new memories. I just knew it was going to be great. We were going to have lunch, go shopping, go to church, take long walks, have deep conversations about life and reminisce about the good old days. I was so excited.
Moving day finally arrived. She showed up with her personal belongings, walked into the house and handed me her life. I did not realize this at the time. In her mind, moving in with me meant that she was handing everything over to me. She no longer wanted to drive (I understand this), do her grocery shopping, cook for herself, go to Silver Sneakers, talk on the phone without me present, manage her financial investments, make her own appointments. She was not interested in social activities or going to lunch or even going to church. It was all mine. I was responsible for two lives - mine and my mother’s. It is where my story begins.
Leading up to move in day, I wanted to take care of all the details to make sure she felt at home. I set up her room with a beautiful rug she had passed on to me, set up a small seating area with two chairs (which she also passed on to me), hung some of my father’s paintings in the room. I even ordered some bath accessories and new bed linens to coordinate with the rug and chairs.
I proudly showed her to her room and left her to unpack the few items that she brought with her. Later in the day, I checked on her, surprised to find ALL the items I bought for her room in a pile outside of my bedroom door!
“Mom, why are all these things here? Don’t you like them?” I asked. “There is not enough room for them,” she responded. “I don’t want them.” Alrighty then.
And then there is the comforter…
I spent time (and a little money) creating what I thought was the perfect comforter and matching pillow shams for the bed. After using it the first night, mom informed me that it was “too heavy” at her feet and that she did not want to use the pillow shams because they were also too heavy to lift. We packed it up and ordered another one. She chose the weight and the color. It was light and bright and coordinated with the other items in the room. And she used it for two years, sans the pillow shams because it was too much effort to put them on and off the bed.
But that comforter would come back to haunt me.
My husband and I retired and built a home in TN. For safety and convenience, mom received the first-floor master bedroom. It has the largest closet and bathroom, complete with grab bars. My grandparents (her mom and dad) had a beautiful mid-century modern bedroom set which I had refinished and placed in her room. She has a large dresser and a vanity, a small seating area and a new mattress. Sounds idea. What could be wrong?
Now, that comforter does not fit on the bed properly and mom does not like how it hangs.
I put an end to the comforter. It is packed up and stored nicely in the linen closet.
Do you have any stories about move in day? Please share them.