Let me Count the Ways - Caring for an Aging Parent Impacts Your Life
From building my dream retirement home to taking vacations to how I spend my free time, caring for mom has impacted almost every aspect of my life.
Vacations and leaving the house. Until about 6 months ago, mom could be left on her own for a week or so. My husband and I stocked up on groceries, made sure her medications were filled and available, left a flashlight in case the power went out, left phone numbers for people to call if she needed something, informed my siblings so they would call her every day, and of course, made sure the closed captions were on the TV so she could occupy herself watching her favorite shows. Unfortunately, at this point, she is unable to be alone for long periods of time. She has fallen three times over the past 6 months and is unsteady. She can prepare meals via a microwave and has difficulty remembering where she is. Given our recent relocation and the fact that my siblings and I are spread out across the country and mom refuses to travel, it is challenging for my husband and I to go anywhere for long periods of time. Case in point, my daughter is graduating from college at the end of April. It is especially special to us because she attends our alma mater. I have been working on finding someone to stay with mom since January. It did not look good for a while and fortunately, my sister can come and stay for the week.
Building my retirement home. Building our retirement home was a two-year process. At every step, we considered how our decisions would impact Mom. When designing the bathroom, we installed a low threshold shower and grab bars (something we can take advantage of when we’re older too). We made sure that the main master bedroom was on the first floor for Mom while we took a bedroom upstairs. We took care to choose a tile for the shower and bathroom floor that would not get slick so Mom would not slip and fall.
How I spend my time. Helping with laundry, making her bed, doing her taxes, going to the bank, taking her to doctors’ appointments, making phone calls on her behalf, and doing her grocery shopping, and picking up her medications are all tasks that I do weekly (often more than once a week).
My relationships. One of the most difficult things about living with Mom is the lack of privacy. There are not many times when she is not around and I sometimes go to a place in the house where she cannot go to talk to my husband, my siblings or just relax for a minute. She inquires where I am going, what I am doing, what my husband and I are discussing. I often become frustrated with things and admit that I take out those frustrations on my husband.
This was not exactly the picture of “retirement” I had for myself.
How do I manage all of this?
I am in the process of transitioning from grocery shopping and picking up medications to having those items delivered.
I do as much banking online as possible.
I rise early to get a workout in.
I enjoy morning coffee on the deck and watch the sun rise.
I make sure that I walk with my new friends twice a day.
I write my blog.
I run errands with my husband. Every night, I sit with my husband on the deck as the sun sets to talk about the day.
A new day begins and it starts over.
Questions for you:
How has caregiving impacted your life?
What do you do for self care?
Helpful Resources:
How Does Caring for Aging Parents Affect Family Life? | Mom.com
How to Deal with Elderly Parents Living with You: 13 Steps (wikihow.com)
5 Pros and Cons of Living with an Aging Parent | Elderly Home Care Blog (elderly-homecare.com)