A Visit to the Doctor - Caregivers Perspective

Forrest Gump said it best, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.” Same goes for a trip to the doctor with Mom. I never know what the list of ailments will be.

Mom does not like leaving the house much, but boy does she enjoy a visit to the doctor. In the waiting room, she refuses to fill out any of the forms (delegates to me with an excuse that she can no longer write neatly) but once she gets into the office with the doctor, she is a changed woman. She sits up, clearly articulates how she feels and her extensive list of ailments (ranging from a minor itch on her leg to being unsteady on her feet) and seems to hear and comprehend what the doctor tells her. She is careful not to include things that will require a follow up visit to a specialist (because after careful thought and consideration, she decides it is too much effort to go) so that list is left to me to bring up.

Mom is a different person at the doctor. Not meek and frail. A strong woman with significant issues. The doctor assures her that the itch on her leg or her scalp is not important, so not to worry about it. She is in good health for a woman of her age. I am fortunate to have healthy genes passed along to me.

At first, I did not understand this change in behavior. Then it hit me. This is her time to complain and discuss in detail everything that bothers her with someone who will listen to her. Just like when I leave the doctor with a clean bill of health and feel relieved and confident that I am doing the right things to stay as healthy as I can, Mom feels the same.

To help facilitate the discussion, my siblings and I keep written notes of her ailments and share them before each doctor’s visit. At least I can bring these items up during her visit, as Mom does not seem to take accountability for or have an interest in her health. If she decides not to move forward or make any changes, we do not allow her to complain about them any more.

Questions for you:

  • How do you manage going to the doctor with the person for whom you care?

  • Do you keep a list of questions and concerns to discuss with the doctor? How do you bring them up?

Helpful Resources:

Taking an aging parent to the doctor? 10 helpful tips - Harvard Health

7 Steps for Helping Senior Parents with Doctor Visits (lebauer.com)

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Let me Count the Ways - Caring for an Aging Parent Impacts Your Life

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It Wasn’t Me - Denial or Don’t Remember